Never thought I could care about an ape after Planet of the Apes, but by the end, I rooted for the big guy.

What works about this movie:
1) Cast
2) Director
3) Story
4) Writing

I loved it. Peter Jackson is my hero.

Verdict: If you haven’t seen it on the big screen, please do, and buy the DVD. Because Peter Jackson deserves enough money to buy his own planet.

Thanks to a recent gift of tickets, the Wife and I enjoy a few movies in the theater these days. We fell away from theaters towards the second half of 2005, when Hollywood served up the worst batch of films in fifteen years. I say that with as much certainty as regret. Until that point, we averaged forty movies in the local cinemas per season. The endless stream of remade-remakes and recycled television shows in 2005 eroded what remained of my stomach; it was time for a break.

Enter a Gift Rewards membership at Blockbuster. For the price of one new rental, three days a week, we can rent a second DVD at no cost. Also, every fifth rental is free. With the ever shrinking window between the theatrical and DVD release, kicking the habit was easy. In no time, I forgot about my shoes sticking to dried butter and candy wrappers.

But like I always say, “If it’s free, it’s for me.” When Christmas delivered a mighty bounty, we slapped them freebie tickets down at the box office and asked for two for Cassanova.

The movie very easily could have been a disaster, and I expected a train wreck. Instead, Cassanova proved a solid romantic comedy, more comedy than romantic, filled with well crafted ironic situations and mistaken identity. A good date movie, especially for the over twenty-five set.

What works:
1) Jeremy Irons is al dente as the Inquisitor. If I had to be stuck in an elevator with an actor, he’s the only one guaranteed safe passage.
2) The plot feels fresh, though familiar. Like comfort food.
3) For once, Heath Ledger isn’t an annoying little Aussie pansy.

What needs improvement:
1)In a film about history’s greatest lover, a little evidence of his prowess would be nice. Don’t just say women swoon before his mighty charms. Show it, thanks.

Verdict: Free movie coupon, matinee, or DVD purchase.

Two movies out this week; two times I feel robbed. Come on, Hollywood.

Wolf Creek follows three college-aged hikers stranded near a national park – also the site of a meteor crash site rumored to short out mechanical devices. Miles from civilization, they accept an offer from a stranger for a tow back to his camp, where he promises a speedy fix for their car troubles. Beware the man who offers free repair services at midnight. And so the movie begins. Unfortunately, before that, the narrative drags the audience through the following:

1) Characters drinking and smoking at a party.
2) Characters diving into a pool with their clothes on.
3) Characters hungover, driving to Wolf Creek, and complaining about the effects of hard core partying.
4) Two of the characters thinking about kissing, then doing so.
5) Driving. Oh, boy, lots of time in a beat up car.

This story is inspired by true events. If it’s even close to what happened in Outback three years ago, all I have to say is someone belongs in jail. Like the director.

Here’s to a brighter 2006 in the movies.

Verdict: Pay per view on someone else’s credit card.

Family Stone is 2005’s original concept answer to a year of remakes and sequels. After watching this film, I wished they caved in and remade another 70’s TV show. Like G-Force, or David and Goliath. Maybe even the Six Million Dollar man, starring the little person from Fantasy Island.

Problem one: Slow pacing. To the director, I say, cut the first 15 minutes and get to the point. Please. To the theater goer, either bring a pillow, or poke out your eyes. The mind you save my be your own.
Problem two: The girl meeting the big, bad family for Xmas is a major PITA. I disliked her, and so did everyone in the audience. If she fell down the stairs, I would have cheered. Well, only if she died.
Problem three: Predictable. Even the grandmother bound in a wheelchair seven rows back knew what was coming next, and said so. At points the audience recited lines in lockstep with the characters.

What works:
1) It’s safe for all audiences. The only person it might offend are those who enjoy laughter.
2) The story could work as a Sunday afternoon movie. At least with a different cast, director and script.

Verdict: Cable, or a free movie rental on an airplane.