Math is not my strongest skill, so when anything more complicated than a balanced checkbook comes along, I reach for a calculator and reach fast.

However, reviewing statistics about law enforcement participation in a gang activity survey conducted by an arm of the Justice Department required no cheat sheet. More than 20,000 agencies were asked to respond. From information the local agencies provided, the Justice Department calculated gang membership at 700,000. OK, a big number and a large problem that needs management, but maybe not all that surprising.

What shocked and awed was that membership number was derived from a low response rate. Out of 20,000 surveyed, 455 replied. For those that like specific numbers, I cite my calculator: more than 97 percent of those asked did not reply. Assuming they did so for fear of unsettling their community – this implies gang activity was kept on the down low. Or the opposite case might be the culprit; there may have been nothing to report. But really, if no news is good news, why did the abstainers not send the survey back with a long column of goose eggs?

The lack of compliance suggests an issue between these agencies and the Justice Department. If 97 percent plus of law enforcement agencies are comfortable not providing data to the Justice Department, is it possible that this sentiment runs in the opposite direction, and that the Justice Department withholds information requested by local agencies?

Whatever it means, based on that turnout rate, I believe the number published is conservative. Maybe the Justice Department will sanction a do-over.

It’s no secret I have issues with Courtney Love. Her flagrant drug use and general bad attitude are irksome. However, as of late she seems different. She’s got six months of sobriety in the can, and a judge considers her progress encouraging. Well, Courtney, what’s next? My friend and I ponder this very quandry…

Sam: she can get thin and do playboy
IM Buddy: keep the scandal to yourself
IM Buddy: hell no
Sam: oh sure
Sam: she gets down to say 140
IM Buddy: the playboy ship sailed a LONG time ago
Sam: more surgery dude
IM Buddy: ok.. you’ve seen her skinny.. and putting the meat back on
IM Buddy: her face is f***** up
Sam: makeup
IM Buddy: her boob job has gone to s***
Sam: can do wonders
Sam: they can fix that
Sam: its painful
IM Buddy: she’s just nasty now
Sam: but they can do it
Sam: she gets down to 140
Sam: they will run her
IM Buddy: circa her esquire appearance, playboy was an option..
IM Buddy: that Corrigan album of hers..
IM Buddy: hustler
IM Buddy: now… well… a boob flopping out on COPS is about her speed
Sam: heh
IM Buddy: if she gets back in shape.. maybe celebrity skin

Because every Supreme Court justice receives lifetime tenure, I have never liked the Supreme Court. This arrangement seems positively unnatural, and leaves the final word on the Constitution in the hands of very old and wrinkled jurists. Tenure rewards sand baggers as much, if not more so, than people who pull their own weight. Of course if I had tenure it would be the greatest institution in the world, beyond reproach or political considerations. But I don’t, so it sucks. And besides the tenure issue, there’s the matter of the age gap between the majority of the country and the Court.

Please don’t get me wrong, I love old people. A hallmark of advanced age is the privilege to say exactly what one wants. It’s refreshing really, especially at Thanksgiving. However, the reverse side of that coin – no one has to listen to Grandpa when he’s all lubed up on Wild Turkey. We just laugh and lock him in the closet until Grandma wakes up from her midday nap.

Not so with the Supreme Court, because nine Grandma and Grandpas pilot that ship, and the entire country has to listen.

Recently the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the government can seize private property from private citizens to transfer to corporate interests that the local government perceives are of public interest. This isn’t the same as the government seizing a few homes obstructing an on-ramp for a new highway. It’s more like Marriott wants Motel 6 out, or a developer wants a hotel in the middle of a subdivision. I can’t see the public interest in either displacement.

In a surprise move from the last state where the Constitution matters – New Hampshire – a private group has petitioned for the condemnation of a residence to make way for a hotel. The owner: Supreme Court Justice David Souter who sided with corporate interests over private property.

Read about it!

This morning I had a lower endoscopy, a procedure which closely resembles an upper endoscopy, except for the required prep work and the insertion point of the camera.

Honestly, not to scare anyone, but in my opinion lower vs. upper, lower endoscopys suck. There were four caveats. Besides that the lower required twice as much anesthesia, when I regained consciousness, I felt violated. Also, the gown exposed….ahem…certain body parts. Surely a coincidence. Last, in order to ensure a clear picture they pumped air into the colon. This produced distension and gas worthy of secondhand Chinese food gone horribly wrong.

Absolutely no comment on the Fleet Phosoda liquid nightmare the day before.

Below – links to a few pictures from the surgery. The usual warning applies: not safe right after lunch.

Gallery of surgery pics

Ileum

The choice is clear. If your doctor orders an endoscopy, insist on an upper, not a downer.