Seems like forever and a day since the last update, but I’m back now, rested, relaxed and ready.

A single sentence tested my resolve. Over a Chinese food dinner, fate dealt me this fortune cookie message:

“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.”

Freak accident at the print shop, or a cruel twist of humor? I’ll let someone else decide. A bigger mosquito, perhaps. Meantime, I’m laminating this fortune.

When a country exhausts cemetery space and declares cremation is illegal, where do officials go with dead citizens? They draft plans outlawing death.

Under the bill, those who die suffer no penalties. Now there’s some sharp legislation teeth.

This is the nifty thing about government: passing laws is cheap – no matter how ridiculous – and voters rarely hold leaders accountable poor or nonexistent enforcement. And that’s about all the politics my stomach can take for the next six months.

Ever wondered what the lethal dose of your favorite caffeinated beverage is?

NOTE: To the Canadian contingent, Tim Horton’s is not on the list.

House sitting is a tricky task. On one hand, it’s flattering when someone grants unrestricted access to their belongings for an extended period. Watching someone else’s stuff is also a low effort activity; the biggest problem being an abrupt change in a routine. Soon enough, though, one gets into the temporary digs.

A wicked devil lies in the fine print, however. In this case, the two Satan’s in waiting: aged foxhounds with thimble sized bladders and a bark that wake the dead. Like for instance, myself at four in the morning.

After freezing in the snow at four AM for the past ten days, I must report a major advantage of the cat species is their mastery of a litter box. If only dogs were so equipped.

I did enjoy quite a bit of that new invention they call digital cable ( I don’t own a television – a story for another entry ). Even with a selection of one hundred and seventy-five channels, there was always something on, yet so very little to watch. Oh how jaded the twenty-first century viewer has become. Despite this, I found it hard to look away from the glowing screen hour after hour.