Editor person has gone mad, only not like crazy like they usually are but like seasonal bug ill. It happens about once a year and is terribly inconvenient.

sam: Hey what say we meet up and go over some pages?
Editor Person: I’m ill.
sam: I hear you, but since you aren’t working for the Man right now, it means you have some free time on your hands.
Editor Person: I’m ill. Can’t you see that?
sam: Not over the phone no.
Editor Person: Reread your lead in sentence for this blog and get back to me.
sam: What did the doctor say?
Editor Person: They said I’m ill.
sam: You never go to the doctor. I don’t believe you.
Editor Person: I’m ill. Is that getting through to you?
sam: But you’re home and everyone thinks you are ill, so you have time.
Editor Person: A pox on you you insolent author! A pox I say!
sam: I could send them email.
Editor Person: Don’t call. Don’t email. Don’t contact.
sam: Now you sound like a Hollywood agent.
Editor Person: This conversation is so over. So over. I’m sleeping now.
sam: When you wake up check your email.

I’ve blogged a lot about Editor person in the last few weeks, and I want to take a moment to thank them for all their efforts. I lack the eye and stomach for surgical grammar attacks. But without some focus on grammar, I’ll be blogging to myself for the rest of my life. And the wife won’t like that very much since she wants mini-sam’s running around the house.

Editor person: You know every time I read one of your crappy sentences, an alarm bell goes off in my head?
sam: That’s why you’re a good editor.
Editor person: I have a headache now, from all the ringing.
sam: Do you want an aspirin?
Editor person: I want you to stop writing while you are asleep.
sam: Right. I’ll up the coffee intake in the morning.
Editor person: What are you going to do 30 books from now when I’m dead?

I panicked. Could there be an end to Editor person?

sam: No problem. I’ll have you cloned.

At last I settled on a title for book number two. I gave this new title a lot of thought, avoiding commitment at all costs. However since I thought the existence of a second book in progress was worth mentioning in the query letter, I had to decide.

Here’s the original working title of book number two: 23 Seconds. Why? Two reasons – I like the number 23 and I was going for a sense of urgency, like a clock running down. Editor person saw through my ruse from the start and told me so with the grace of a diplomat.

Editor person: I hate the new title. Hate it.
sam: But it ties into the plot.
Editor person: Picture the review – Sam Hilliard – 23 Seconds – about how long you want to read this book. 23 Seconds – how long his career will last.
sam: It seemed like a good idea before.
Editor person: You get good ideas sometimes. This is not one of them.

So, in the sense of conveying the idea of momentum and progress, I settled on….

You didn’t think I was going to make it that easy, did you? Check back next Wednesday and the secret will be revealed.

UPDATE 3/7/2004: Editor person objected at the use of the word ain’t that I attributed to them in a previous version of this blog. Apologies to Editor person. This has been removed.

Editor person agreed to review the query letter. They took some convincing, but they committed to a quick turnaround. Here’s how my request for help went down.

sam: I need your help.
Editor person: Absolutely. You need serious psychological help.
sam: With the query letter.
Editor person: Oh, that’s the least of your problems.
sam: Can you give it a look see?
Editor pesron (crinkling paper in the background): Just did.
sam: What do you think?
Editor person: I see it looks like a query letter.
sam: Should I change anything?
Editor person: I’m Editor person, not query letter person.
sam: Today you could be query letter person too.
Editor person: If I do, will you hang up and leave me alone?
sam: Already hung up. We’re not even talking right now.
Editor person: We’re so not talking.