Here’s my favorite Christmas and Birthday gifts…

Not-gonna, not-gonna, not-gonna get lost.

Dear Mom and Dad, big thanks for the pig I will never see, roaming some village in a place I will never visit.

No more pinched blood vessels carrying groceries up three flights of stairs.

A gift to myself. And Oedipus. God Bless Bob’s Furniture and The Pit. 70 percent off MSRP.