What went right today:

Yeah, it was that sort of a Monday.

Last night, however, was fraught with zany goodness. Picture this: 9PM on a warm October evening. Beer and stories flow between a few friends. Several step outside for a smoke, and the others tag along. As they joke a neighbor the size of a refrigerator skulks up the walkway.

SKULKER: I need to get inside your apartment building and check your squirrel traps.

JUSTIN: What?

SKULKER: Your landlord is in a lot of trouble. I’m calling the police.

SAM: For?

SKULKER: For setting illegal squirrel traps.

JUSTIN: Uh, there are no squirrel traps inside the building. Maybe you could talk to the landlord directly about this.

SKULKER: Great. Here’s my phone.

JUSTIN ( steps away ): I’ll call him on mine.

SKULKER: Your landlord is in big trouble. He caught a cat once in a squirrel trap. I’m going to have to call the police.

SAM: You’re trespassing and you’re calling the police?

SKULKER: I’m not trespassing.

SAM: You’re standing in the yard.

JUSTIN ( returns ): The landlord says to call the police.

SKULKER ( dials a few dozen numbers ):

JUSTIN: Do you need the number? Try 911.

SKULKER: No. I have it.

SAM: I don’t understand why the police would come about a squirrel trap inside an apartment building. Especially when it doesn’t exist.

SKULKER: Look, your landlord is in big trouble. He’s been setting traps for years. A cat from the neighborhood is missing. I should know. My husband is a doctor.

JUSTIN: Why don’t you call the police already. I want to complain about you trespassing.

SAM: In fact, I’m going to file my own complaint. You’re threatening us.

SKULKER: How am I threatening you?

SAM: You’re annoying me on my time off. And trespassing. That’s a threat to my well-being, and even worse my buzz.

JUSTIN: You know what? We’re going inside. When the police come, we’ll come back out.

Needless to say, the po-po were a no show.