After 15 years of staying one move ahead of my high school alumni foundation, somehow they found my actual home address. Which is incredibly annoying, since all my mail goes to a private mail box, a habit less about privacy and more about convenience; the outfit can accept any sort of package from any commercial shipper plus first class mail. This service spares me many trips to UPS on weekends — well worth the yearly fee.

Now, if the school mailed the private mail box address, I would understand. The address is out there for anyone who looks. But littering up my stoop with pleas to adjust my directory profile is an act of war.

I did what any sane person would do with the postcard. In clear letters, I wrote DECEASED. RETURN TO SENDER, blacked out my address, and put it in the nearest drop box.