Sometimes the laundry backs up to such a ridiculous levels, scattering the clothes across the front lawn and torching them seems better than washing them. If that leap of logic makes sense to you, then welcome to the Bell Jar.

After experimenting with a variety of laundry schedules – once a week, twice a week, once every other week, once a month – a pattern of truths has emerged:

1) Regardless of the height of the clothes pile, laundry takes longer than planned
2) Clothes always get dirty
3) Tragically, cleaning by thermal compaction – a method that failed me so well as a bachelor, fails me as a married man.
4) Buying new underwear instead of doing the laundry upsets the Wife. Perhaps panties would make more sense for instead of boxer shorts.

Excuse me, the buzzer went off. I must attend to the 6th load of the day.