Imagine for a second life came with a dollar menu similar to the Golden Arches but instead of a double cheeseburger or a yogurt parfait, cooler things were available for sale. I’m not talking just about food, but other single use items that are just as timely.

Presuming that were an option, here’s what I’d like:
1) A witty comeback guaranteed not to result in getting fired, arrested or a fight.
2) A token that I could present to a bum who tried to squeegee my car windows clean that would halt him in his tracks. Not only would he spare my windshield, he’d do it without a grudge or insult.
3) A sheet of Kleenex that didn’t scrape my nostrils raw after the other hundred times allergies forced me to blow my nose. If the tissue didn’t smell like recycled paper that would be better still.
4) License to destroy the cellphone of anyone sitting around me in a movie theater who decides to make an outgoing call after the film starts.

And lastly….
5) An item from the dollar menu at the Golden Arches that doesn’t taste like either salt or cardboard.