Mom always said, “If you can’t be nice, don’t say anything.” I took her advice to heart by ignoring it when writing this review. Sorry, Mom.

There is little to say about Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and less of it is nice. So let’s get puppy dog tails and ribbons out of the way, first. Hint: It won’t take long.

Without a doubt, the special effects, CGI robot enactments are incredible. Never for a second did I doubt the robots were cutting edge and believable. Secondly, Megan Fox has amazing cleavage and it’s constantly on display. Fantastic.

Now for the challenges working against this movie. Oh, where to start. Well, how about with the actual story? At the end of the day, the average five year old amped up one Mountain Dew and Sugar Smacks could have written much the same fare. Perhaps even better. See, the main driver of the movie is, yep, amazing special effects and Megan Fox cleavage. Maybe that cleavage is really a computer slight of hand.

And of Megan Fox, no offense but besides the squeaky Pam Anderson voice and tanned body, there is little going on there aesthetically much less visually. Yes, survey says: vapid and annoying. I’d prefer that left her tattoos visible on screen, rather than automagically removing them. Those are kind of interesting and suggest she has the traces of a personality. Somewhere out there. Or is it in there?

Despite the weak story and eh cast, Transformers 2 is a watchable flick, and I neither fault anyone for liking it nor am mystified by its break neck box office performance. After all the robots are amazing. But giving this movie a pass solely for CGI is like giving top marks to a porno because the “actors’ have nice lips. In the end, Transformers 2 is a McDonalds Value Meal straight to the brain. With a hot apple pie.

Either work for the patron for a little while. Then the stomachache starts.

Verdict: DVD rental or cable. Keep another movie handy at the ready for immediately afterwards. Wash away the taste. And the cleavage.