Great news for New Jersey smack addicts! For the second year in a row, New Jersey leads the nation in heroin purity. Yeah! We finally win at something besides hockey. For those keeping score – it’s no competition – Jersey heroin is more than twice as pure than the national average. According to the DEA this is a direct result of NJ hallowed honor as the first stop for drug traffickers. Since eighty percent of the goods shipped to the East Coast by freight start in Elizabeth, NJ must be a few more articles in those sea containers than cheap furniture and fake watches.

In honor of retaining this title here’s the new state theme song.

Wanna ride the horse?
You don’t need no ranch fool

Philly, Baltimore, New York City?
The smack they got ain’t too pretty

Come to the Garden State today
And let the nations best heroin
Take you away

Repeat 2x and add guitar solo.

Study the full breakdown and DEA comments.