Yesterday was all smiles with the a splendid and overdue resignation of Dan Rather, now it’s all cries over the latest assault on decency. For what seems like the fourth time in a six years the Post Office announced a rate increase on first class stamps, effective in 2005. This sets the toll to 41 cents. How precious.

Every few years costs increase across the board, Amtrak goes bankrupt, and the Postal Service raises rates. Thank goodness for consistency.

Well instead of grumbling from my armchair at this affront, I have a plan.

Tomorrow as I send two turkeys into the long goodnight, lowering them slowly into a stainless steel container filled with boiling peanut oil, I shall give thanks for the eight notches on my frying belt. They can take my money, but they can’t take my turkeys!