Remember when it was OK for a child to sleep in a parent’s bed? I’m 31 and the last time I slept in my parent’s bed was…well last night.

Since my parents are out of town and they are owned by two very large foxhounds that both follow rigid medication schedules, Mom suggested that I sleep over and tend to their pets.

Problem number one with this, the wife works in the other direction so it’s impractical for her to stay with me. Problem next, the bed is massive. On the surface perhaps that’s not a minus, but while the bed is the size of fricking Nevada widthwise, in terms of length the bed resembles Rhode Island forcing my feet to hang over the edge all night. The cramped, achy sensation resembles a hang over with none on of the pleasant memories.

On the plus side, the sound of the dogs barking at 5am cut my suffering short. Foxhounds are neither equipped with a snooze button, nor responsive in anyway to any pleas to be silent. They also don’t do bribery and require walks at unholy hours of the morning.

Besides that though, the hounds of hell are fantastic.